Thoughts on Sexual Discovery
and Difference
On www.about.com
you’ll find lots of information about sex and sexuality. Whether you
are looking to learn more about your body, pleasure, or disease, whether
you’re hoping to spice up a long term relationship or figure out what
you want to do with a new relationship, whether you’re looking to
learn more on your own or with multiple partners, taking the first step
in a new sexual direction can be daunting. Here are a few important
pieces of information, and ideas to consider as you move through
whatever sort of sexual exploration you’re considering.
Different Kinds of Sex
Information
Most of what is talked about
here can be broken down into a few kinds of information:
- Sexual anatomy: the parts of
our body that are involved in sexuality
- Sexual response: the ways our
body responds to all kinds of sexual stimulation
- Sexual thoughts: from
anxieties to fantasies to trauma, our sexual thoughts have a huge
impact on our sexuality.
- Sexual feelings: the
slipperiest part of any equation is our emotional and intuitive
responses to sexuality. These responses are not always logical or predictable, but
they are our responses and we need to understand and in some way
honor them (which isn’t the same as always letting them guide our
decision making).
You can find a lot more definitions
of sexual terms in the Glossary
.
We’re All Sexually Different
The problem with generalizing
about sexuality (which I do on this site) is that we’re all different.
Take our bodies for example. I might talk about what a “typical”
sexual response is, or how a body part, like the nipples, might respond.
But in reality everyone’s body is a little bit different. It is true
that most of us have two eyes, two ears, a nose, etc. But some of us
don't, and some of us have two eyes, but can only see out of one of
them. Some of us have big noses, and some have little noses. Some of us
have taken the body we were born with and changed it, either
intentionally or unintentionally.
But when someone with specific
knowledge (like a sexual health educator) starts describing our sexual
bodies, most of us begin to compare ourselves to what we are being told.
This is a terrible mistake! The amazing thing about sex and people is
that we’re all unique. Our sexual feelings, interests, desires, and
body parts are all a bit different, which is one of the things that
makes sexual discovery interesting.
Avoid Sexual Comparisons
In North America we put a premium
on looking a certain way, and feeling like our bodies fit a certain
image. This may be the worst waste of time and energy in our society
(except for computer solitaire, which is probably a worse waste of
time). Information on sexuality.about.com is meant only as a guide. You
should read this and then compare it to how you feel. If it does not
apply, then ignore it. If you can use some of the information that is
great. Try to avoid using this information to make yourself feel bad
because what your body is like does not match the pictures on this site.
Become Your Own Sex Expert
It is an old cliché but a true
one, that you have the ability to know more about your body than anyone
else. You can be your own best expert. As you seek out information,
help, support for expanding your sexuality, the goal should always be to
know yourself more and better. But make sure that it is on your own
terms.
The are hundreds (probably
thousands) of people who call themselves “sex experts” and are
waiting to tell you the right way to have sex, to be sexy, even to think
about sex. There may be something to learn from what some of these
people say, but be wary of the experts who claim to have answers for
you. Exploring sexuality is a lifelong process, and finding answers that
have meaning for you can only happen when you are fully engaged in
asking the questions and seeking the answers. There are few quick
solutions and short cuts, and it’s not the kind of club where you can
use someone else’s membership to get inside.
Explore More!
Explore
Female Sexual Anatomy
Explore
Male Sexual Anatomy
Explore
Safer Sex
Explore
Contraception
Explore
Sex Toys
Explore
Sexual Communication
Explore
Erotic Movies
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